Turn It Around

Having a hard week. Learned so much. Having trouble applying it. I was doing so well for about 3 weeks, & then this past week got hard. It won’t always be hard. But, I feel frustrated. On a positive note, I took a risk socially¬† by going to a singles event @ my new church. I really struggle w/ social anxiety, so going was a huge step. Well, I didn’t die or throw up. They were not overly welcoming, but not unfriendly either. Score 1 for me.

The bingeing & overeating just doesn’t seem to stop. It’s neverending. (Well, it’s been five days.) I could just weep, I’m so disappointed and frustrated.

I’m trying to think about what would love say. What would radical self-care look like?

Love would say be gentle. Radical Self-Care looks like pacifying my productive part and getting some details taken care of that I keep ignoring. In the moment, it feels like self-care to avoid details, but in the long run it is so hurtful to myself.

I’m trying to figure out what is triggering these episodes. I do have an underlying feeling of not being heard, & being misunderstood.

In Byron Katie’s The Work, she asks readers to turn around their beliefs.

Step 1 Is it true?

Step 2 Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Step 3 How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without the thought?

My Belief: Others do not understand nor hear me. I am not understood or heard.

The Turnaround: Others do understand and hear me. I do not understand nor hear myself.

That is really hard to hear.

Am I just not open to connecting and allowing others to understand and hear me? Are my fists shut close so I cannot receive from others?

Do I not listen to myself and understand myself? I feel so stuck in my head, I’m not sure that is true.

Without this thought, I would feel accepted and less weighed down. Maybe I need to lay it down.

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Learning to savor food, yoga, & life.
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4 Responses to Turn It Around

  1. Meghan says:

    Where do you feel that you are unheard? Personal life? Work?
    What is it that needs to be heard???

    • I feel very unheard both at work and in my personal relationships. In my personal life I have many friends who are going through hard times, and they just cannot give me what I desire. Although, I don’t know if I have told them what I need. I know I have walls up too.

  2. Meghan says:

    I was thinking today how you have not posted much about yoga or working out….well, until today’s post about how your clothes are fitting (that’s awesome news….even though it’s scary-I get it!). Anyway, just wondering if you are still doing yoga and working out and if either of those things help you with the binging……especially yoga…to calm the mind….just a thought that could be completely off base, but I was thinking about you today!!

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