There is Joy in Community
There are Tears in Community
There is hustle and bustle
There is quiet
There is wondering
There is assurance
Why do I reject it?
Why do I crave it so?
I reject it because it means that I might not be accepted.
I reject it because relational risk seems like suicide.
I crave it because I was created to be with people.
So I might Grow.
So I might give
And Take
Showing people your soul
Laying out your unmet needs
Is
Paper-thin hopes
Crackling
When you don’t fully know yourself
It’s hard to show others who you are.
But
Maybe that’s part of being in community
Getting to Know ME
In the supported circle of others
Maybe they are getting to know themselves as well
I won’t know
Until I ask
Until I show up
Until I breathe in the undiscovered love around me
Relational Risk ~ Suicide?
Really?
Suicide is gone forever, no more feelings, no more hopes, no more dreams
In Suicide you lose yourself
With relational risk
I lose
That Girl That Hides
She must go
I don’t have any more hopes and dreams for the hide-r
The blooming bud is where I am now.
Soaking
In the Love
Getting rooted In
a Family
The Word
Traditions
A New Focus of Eternal Values, as opposed to earthly materialism.
Some Day I will form My own seeds and disperse
Is it possible I might be doing that now?
This cycle continues
The give The take
The supporting the encouraging
I’m taking in love, I’m giving My Story, My Hopes
The Girl That Hides
Must Be Acknowledged
Must Be Heard
And reminded
That God has plans for for Her
A message to share
About Not Using Food
And Being Fully Alive
Must the Girl in The Bottle Leave Forever?
Is it truly suicide?
Or might I come back to her from time to time
When I need to
She may have a new role
New Employment
She may be the one to re-energize me
To honor the sacredness of the quiet
She may leave, but not be forgotten entirely
She will nudge me
Letting me know when it’s time to go inside
A Peaceful Place, no longer a Cocoon
The glass bottle will be broken
She will wait for me
Offer some tea
And let me slumber
Away from the Noise
Of that Much Needed Community
Wow. Yes. Yes. Yes, I crave the community. It is my inner most true self that is actually good with the community. But it is often a very uncomfortable ride, because of the weight. Not feeling good enough for the community….getting exhausted from having to “proove” more, be just a little bit better at this or that, so they don’t see the fat, first and foremost. Having to be funnier, or more selfless today than you were yesterday, so the community will keep liking you, because if you slip up….then there is always the excuse in your head….it was because of the weight. It’s a hard wagon to pull.
Your Song of Self is simply beautiful. I suspect you are unaware of how beautiful you are.
I accept you unconditionally. As you grow, and as the seasons change, may you realize that beauty is in you, in all of us……..
Your words are beautiful! Thank you for sharing and putting yourself in the community.