Most of my scary overeating happens at night. The moment any type of feeling of emotion rises, I immediately start showing food down my throat, until time passes, and my body feels pain all over. It feels like it happens so quickly. I really don’t have a lot of memories of it happening, such as how much time has passed, what I’ve eaten, where I’ve eaten it.
There are a lot of emotions that I try to numb out using food. I haven’t really been able to identify them, however, even with professional help. I do have a sense of dread, or doom. Sometimes uncertainty, confusion, or frustration sets in. But over what? I have no idea.
I know that for the most part my binge eating won’t cease until I am able to know what these emotions are, & talk to them, & have them let me know what they need to tell me. I need to learn to feel these emotions without eating, so that I can retrain my mind that the feelings are not intolerable. They too shall pass. But, I am not at that point yet.
In the meantime, there are some binge-proofing strategies I need to put into place to at least lessen the hold food has over me.
The first one is that of sleep.
Most of my significant eating happens after 9pm or later. I find however, if I am in bed by 10pm, EVEN if I don’t fall asleep, I don’t usually eat. I am not a “Eat in Bed” kind of girl.
The second one is that of meditation.
It goes back to retraining the mind. Letting my feelings, thoughts, & parts know that I am safe. I am 35. And I can have the tools needed to cope with my present, safe situation. I am SO resistant to this, which lets me know, it is crucial for me to implement this into my life.
The third one is that of PLATE-USAGE.
Weird, I know. I recently told people in my women’s circle that I do not eat ANY of my meals at home on a plate, much less at a table, in a calm environment. I usually take the containers, spread them out on the floor, at voila… buffet! I think using a plate in the evening will make me more aware of the kinds of foods I am eating, as well as making the memory of me beginning and ending my meal more cemented in my mind. If I could use a plate before I decide to binge, that would be a real landmark. It’s hard for me to slow down and make those decisions before it happens.
What tools do you use to deal with your emotional eating?