Flucked

I’m feeling pretty devastated about some overeating I did tonight.

I was home alone tonight. I usually try to make plans so that I am not alone, because I tend to do crazy eating when I’m home alone, because I get lonely.

Anyway, I had a really long, but fun day today, & was
actually looking forward to being home alone and just having some downtime.

I ended up totally overeating.

I feel so ashamed.

I think I made food the event of the night. And that is not really food’s role for me any more. At least I don’t want it to be. I just want it to be food.

And now that the episode is over, I feel ashamed of who I am, total disappointment, and that I’m never going to change.

I think I’m going to take this as a learning experience, & just try to sit with my feelings. Dang I hate doing that.

I don’t have groceries in my house. I have done no flexible meal-planning. I think I operate better when I have supplies & organization available to me.

I just don’t function well alone in my house. I am completely non-productive. I wish I felt more comfortable being alone in my home. I wish I could enjoy that time by myself.

I also realize I make no room for creativity in my personal life. I have no idea how I’d like to express that, but I think I need more creative joy in my life.