What Happened? Well, a binge of course!
After the comments from my instructor, I had a horrible practice. I didn’t bring enough water, the room was too hot for my liking, & my knee was really bothering me. Plus, I was pissed!!!!
I got home and just started grazing, standing up… I had a thought that maybe I could slow this whole binge thing down if I actually sat down and ate food on a plate. But, I had the desire to numb out, so I went for it.
There is another reason why I binged. I had a SuperBowl party to go to. It was at a friend’s house, a friend from work. Nobody else from work was going to be there, & I’d only met the people who were to be at the party once before.
I have major social anxiety. Okay, maybe not major. Not debilitating. Maybe somewhat. So, the thoughts of…. I’m not going to be able to talk to anyone, no one will like me, I’m going to pass out, I’m going to die, started to arise.
So, of course I went, and nobody blew up or died. It was actually okay. I attempted to be social. It was not great. It was not horrible either. But, I went.
At the party I did overeat (as predicted by my yoga teacher.) However, there were so many great foods that I hadn’t had before to try. I really enjoyed myself.
I guess the lesson I learned from the binge is that, I can slow it down if I choose to. And… time heals all wounds. Meaning, if I wait long enough after a painful binge, hunger will come again.
My yoga teacher? Well, I have no plans on discussing this with her. I’ve been going to her classes for over a year and a half & I can barely look into her eyes due to my SA, so I won’t be having a meaningful, healthy conversation with her at present.
I guess yoga teachers have issues to. And perhaps she was projecting her own diet mentality and body worries onto her students’ practice. And can I be angry about that? Maybe. But, mostly I just feel sad & some compassion for her journey.