Could I Consider? (It all happened so fast. So. Fast.)

It all happened so fast. So. Fast.

I got home. Went to the Kitchen. Put a pizza in the Oven. Waited for 2 seconds. Could. Not. Wait. To. Eat.

Opened package of doughnuts.

Stuffed both doughnuts down throat.

Ate a Whole Pizza.

Basically, I inhaled over a thousand calories within 20 minutes. Pretty impressive, huh? Yeah, I know. I was in awe of myself.

Immediately, I wanted it to go away. The binge that is. The feelings didn’t surface until later.

It was so scary. I hate that. I hate the scary-ness & the not knowing why.

And then I looked back. I almost started crying, because I was so overwhelmed by how much I could learn from this window. Still it sucked that it happened.

Let’s start with LUNCH. I’ve been working on really tuning in to my hunger/satisfaction levels. I only ate a frozen dinner. Like 360 calories. But I loved it. It’s my favorite one ~Stouffer’s Chicken a la King. Num! No Lean Cuisine crap for me. (If you like LC, good for you & many happy returns.) I had yogurt & an apple available to me, but I just wasn’t hungry, so I stopped.

Four hours later, I am in my car about to drive home. I check my email. I read it. I am not happy. I feel dismissed. I feel NOT valued. Oh well, drive home & do not acknowledge, nor sit with these silly feelings.

I get home, and that whole inhalation of 1000 calories within 20 minutes occurs.

So the window is that…

Coming & arriving home is a very vulnerable time for me. I am definitely binge-prone at that time. I need to make sure I create an environment prior to getting home, on the way home, & immediately at home that is conducive to feeling calm!!!!

Did you know that not being able to self-sooth/calm oneself is an obstacle to becoming an intuitive eater? And this girl wants to be/is an intuitve eater?

My thoughts are: keep calm & carry on from 3:00- to whenever I get home. I may consider not checking email until after I have eaten. I may consider eating a snack before driving home, so I don’t inhale the house out of hunger. I may consider taking 30 breaths when I get home BEFORE I DO ANYTHING ELSE.

I may consider acknowledging said feelings regardless of how big or small they are. I may consider labeling them & listening to their stories. I may consider sending them to an island with a mai tai until I get home & have breathed, & have eaten.

These are my considerations.

How do you keep calm and carry on? How do you create a calm environment during your drive home?

PS: The scary-ness is lifted when you name it & label it. Not gone, but just a grey shadow. A smoke screen.

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About eatingasapathtoyoga

Learning to savor food, yoga, & life.
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4 Responses to Could I Consider? (It all happened so fast. So. Fast.)

  1. Lisa C says:

    Jill, I have been there too many times to count. You made a huge step today in identifying what happened to contribute to the binge. Let go of any shameful feelings and be proud of yourself for digging deeper. It’s not comfortable or easy to do.

  2. Yes! When you name it and acknowledge it “out loud” it loses it’s power. So my question to you is this: how can you value yourself and not need to rely on the validation of others? I ask this as someone who struggles with same, and who has come a fair way…

    • How can I value myself? For me, my faith comes in to play. I need to understand my Creator’s thoughts about me, and make them my own. I need to surround myself with people who value me. However, people are fallible. So my worth must come from within.

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