It all happened so fast. So. Fast.
I got home. Went to the Kitchen. Put a pizza in the Oven. Waited for 2 seconds. Could. Not. Wait. To. Eat.
Opened package of doughnuts.
Stuffed both doughnuts down throat.
Ate a Whole Pizza.
Basically, I inhaled over a thousand calories within 20 minutes. Pretty impressive, huh? Yeah, I know. I was in awe of myself.
Immediately, I wanted it to go away. The binge that is. The feelings didn’t surface until later.
It was so scary. I hate that. I hate the scary-ness & the not knowing why.
And then I looked back. I almost started crying, because I was so overwhelmed by how much I could learn from this window. Still it sucked that it happened.
Let’s start with LUNCH. I’ve been working on really tuning in to my hunger/satisfaction levels. I only ate a frozen dinner. Like 360 calories. But I loved it. It’s my favorite one ~Stouffer’s Chicken a la King. Num! No Lean Cuisine crap for me. (If you like LC, good for you & many happy returns.) I had yogurt & an apple available to me, but I just wasn’t hungry, so I stopped.
Four hours later, I am in my car about to drive home. I check my email. I read it. I am not happy. I feel dismissed. I feel NOT valued. Oh well, drive home & do not acknowledge, nor sit with these silly feelings.
I get home, and that whole inhalation of 1000 calories within 20 minutes occurs.
So the window is that…
Coming & arriving home is a very vulnerable time for me. I am definitely binge-prone at that time. I need to make sure I create an environment prior to getting home, on the way home, & immediately at home that is conducive to feeling calm!!!!
Did you know that not being able to self-sooth/calm oneself is an obstacle to becoming an intuitive eater? And this girl wants to be/is an intuitve eater?
My thoughts are: keep calm & carry on from 3:00- to whenever I get home. I may consider not checking email until after I have eaten. I may consider eating a snack before driving home, so I don’t inhale the house out of hunger. I may consider taking 30 breaths when I get home BEFORE I DO ANYTHING ELSE.
I may consider acknowledging said feelings regardless of how big or small they are. I may consider labeling them & listening to their stories. I may consider sending them to an island with a mai tai until I get home & have breathed, & have eaten.
These are my considerations.
How do you keep calm and carry on? How do you create a calm environment during your drive home?
PS: The scary-ness is lifted when you name it & label it. Not gone, but just a grey shadow. A smoke screen.