Having a hard week. Learned so much. Having trouble applying it. I was doing so well for about 3 weeks, & then this past week got hard. It won’t always be hard. But, I feel frustrated. On a positive note, I took a risk socially by going to a singles event @ my new church. I really struggle w/ social anxiety, so going was a huge step. Well, I didn’t die or throw up. They were not overly welcoming, but not unfriendly either. Score 1 for me.
The bingeing & overeating just doesn’t seem to stop. It’s neverending. (Well, it’s been five days.) I could just weep, I’m so disappointed and frustrated.
I’m trying to think about what would love say. What would radical self-care look like?
Love would say be gentle. Radical Self-Care looks like pacifying my productive part and getting some details taken care of that I keep ignoring. In the moment, it feels like self-care to avoid details, but in the long run it is so hurtful to myself.
I’m trying to figure out what is triggering these episodes. I do have an underlying feeling of not being heard, & being misunderstood.
In Byron Katie’s The Work, she asks readers to turn around their beliefs.
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
My Belief: Others do not understand nor hear me. I am not understood or heard.
The Turnaround: Others do understand and hear me. I do not understand nor hear myself.
That is really hard to hear.
Am I just not open to connecting and allowing others to understand and hear me? Are my fists shut close so I cannot receive from others?
Do I not listen to myself and understand myself? I feel so stuck in my head, I’m not sure that is true.
Without this thought, I would feel accepted and less weighed down. Maybe I need to lay it down.