“What we do know is that, as the chemical window closed, another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug – and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we’d forgotten – the simplest things.” (Awakenings)
Have you ever seen the movie “Awakenings”, starring Robin Williams & Robert DeNiro?
It’s a favorite of mine. The premise of the move is about a neurologist who fights for a group of patients with encephalitis lethargica to receive an experimental drug at the time, known as L-Dopa. The patients awake after forty years of being in a cartharctic state. They have to adjust to living in a whole new world, and mourn the decades they lost. One patient, on the first day of his Awakening, is scared to go to bed, that he’ll return to catatonia. The awakening indeed, does not last. But a new awakening occurs, for the patients & their families- learning to appreciate and live life. (adapted from Wikipedia)
When I was stuck in diet mentality, I would awaken to feelings of extreme guilt about the food I had eaten for the day, even though I hadn’t eaten anything yet! Tremendous feelings of shame covered me as I rose to start each day. You say, that was back in the days where I carried my yellow notebook around and recorded my food/calories/WW points for the day, including weight, & exercise. It’s when I would be furious when I could not determine the calories of the food I had eaten. One time Culvers did not have the calorie count for a soup I had eaten, so I screamed at the manager, who gave me the number for the district manage, which I used to call & left a message promising violence and death if they could not get back to me regarding the nutritional information.
Now, it’s different. I don’t use calories to determine my worth. I try to listen to my body, and feed it accordingly, in an imperfect way.
I have other issues now.
Now I awaken, scared that the mindful eating experiences I’ve had the past few months will all but disappear, and I will be stuck in either a numbing coma of bingeing or a mentality of fear, self-hatred & fascist counting.
Those patients did return to a catatonic state. I don’t have to. I have the choice to really tune in, get grounded, and make decisions on how I will treat my body. I can pull from my positive past experiences, and use them to anchor me into the present.
The patients awakened, and anytime I fall back to my old patterns, I too can awaken. I can live fully. Out loud.
How do you get grounded? Any advice on drawing from past experiences to move forward?