Peace With Food

It’s so amazing to have food in my refrigerator that I love & that nourishes me. It’s amazing that it doesn’t glitter, and I don’t feel a need to overeat nor binge on it. It feels safe, secure, and peaceful.

How did I get to this place in time? Lots and lots of inquiry. Asking myself what I really need. Going below the surface. With my hands being held.

It took experimenting, and consistently bringing in the foods I love. Stocking my house with more food than I could ever humanly eat, and then restocking it when I ran out. I had to really make sure my inner world knew, that this wasn’t a “Last Supper” before the diet started on Monday.

It took trust.

It took yelling and feeling frustrating. It took not giving up ever.

It was all worth it.

All the tears, the clothes that didn’t fit, the checks made payable to helping professionals, the last minute conversations where I talked myself out of joining Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.

It’s been a real struggle and I never was really sure I could get to this peaceful moment in time.

I don’t think I will be in this peaceful place forever. You see, I live in this place called The United States. You know that place where I am bombarded by false statements about beauty & health? The place that values the outer world, instead of that which lies within?

I still have big feelings. I feel them now. I scream, I shout, I yell, I cry, I have terrible stomach aches. I feel a lot of my feelings in my physical body now. It really sucks. But I’m not willing to sacrifice these exiled parts for food. It would be easier, yes. But, I just don’t want to go down that road at present.

I know in some moment, I will turn to food. And I will do so for very good reasons. The most of important is that of taking care of myself.

But for now. I will listen to my parts that want to be heard, instead of pounding them down deep below the surface. I will acknowledge them. Thank them. And yes, even befriend them. (One day.)


About eatingasapathtoyoga

Learning to savor food, yoga, & life.
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8 Responses to Peace With Food

  1. Debbish says:

    Lovely post. I’m a long way from there yet, but yearn to be….


  2. Megan says:

    I think that’s very true, about not being in that peaceful place forever. I’ve been in recovery from my disordered eating for several years now, and I still have off weeks or even months. But I also have built enough history with nourishing self-care that I can course-correct pretty quickly, and even on the worse days, don’t revert to self-harming behaviors.

    Still, every time I sit down to a little bowl of full fat yogurt with granola, the little ex-dieter in my head cheers a little. Yay for good, real, delicious, life-affirming food!

    • So good to hear this confirmation. Each experience we have on our journey, each step off the beaten path, is a rainbow we’ve never seen. We can use all experiences to maintain our peaceful relationships with food & ourselves.

  3. Caroline says:

    Oh what a BEAUTIFUL post. Its so true, it is entirely possible but it takes time and trust and is windy and jagged recovery path. I will keep following your posts!

  4. So, so happy for you, dear friend.

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