Lessons I’m Learning

I hate the phrase “ebb and flow”, but that is what is definitely happening with my eating.

I’ve been roadblocked and out of alignment. But, I’m feeling more in charge of my eating, lately.

Last week I found myself standing at the refrigerator… frantic eating beginning… two handfuls of something I have no idea what… half a piece of cheese… and all of sudden I came out of the trance & stopped. I told myself to pause. I realized what I was doing did not feel good, did not taste good, wasn’t the right choice for maintaining a calm relationship with food. And that was that. It was amazing.

Cooking is an amazing way to nuture my body and connect with friends. More on that later.

Several days ago, I got home from working with clients and had the desperate feeling of wanting to binge. I checked in with my body and my hunger levels, and found that I was not physically hungry at all.

I was experiencing a big trigger for me: home alone for an extended period of time.  I was feeling uncomfortable and wasn’t sure what it was about. I just wanted to relax and watch television.

I decided I was not going to eat. I was anxious to find out if I would blow up or die or something!!!

I wanted to find some calm. I didn’t want another hobby to do. I just wanted to be still.

However, all I kept thinking was, “Must eat. Or. Will Blow Up. And Die. That would be so embarrassing!!!!”

I felt tightness in my chest. But, I doubted I would have a heart attack. But, if I did, that would be so I told ya so…..

I sat with those feelings for about 20 minutes. Then I kinda got busy by watching Bravotv & playing Solitaire Blitz. Priorities.

I started to relax into something else. I think I was tired. that was part of it. (Usually is.)

It is amazing to me how you can have such a mind shift after sitting with your feelings and then going to bed.

I did go to bed.

And I woke up.

And I instantly knew why I wanted to eat so badly. And I realized the same thing had happened the week before. It had to do with not feeling worthy, not feeling good enough, wanting to impress someone I don’t even actually have high regard for.

You know, all the deep core issue stuffs.

So, yeah it’s been an amazing journey.

Thoughts?

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About eatingasapathtoyoga

Learning to savor food, yoga, & life.
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15 Responses to Lessons I’m Learning

  1. The fact that you’re able to stop yourself and actually discern between physical and emotional hunger will be your biggest tool, I think. Good for you!

  2. Good job!! As I say so often, it’s not about never doing it, it’s about catching ourselves sooner. And you’re still here…you didn’t blow up!! 😉

  3. powerful lessons…i too am learning the same thing. and learning to ENJOY healthy food. so i just finished a lunch of cold quinoa, dried cranberries, sunfower seeds, black olives, fresh out of the garden carrots and green beans (how did i forget the tomoatoes?) seasoned with ground pepper, dried garlic (just a little) with olive oil and lemon juice. it was so good and filling and i feel good…I am learning too that my ADD kicks in and i want to eat, but what i need is something different to focus on (obviously when i am not hungry…that’s a different story). enjoying your blog. nicely done

  4. Megan says:

    What tools have helped you get to this level of understanding with yourself? I’ve been going to therapy for a few months now and am seeing an improvment but was hoping you could recommend some literature, or excersises? Any help would be amazing. I cannot wait to be at the level you are.

    Thanks,
    Megan

    • I definitely recommend working with a helping professional who understands this work (attuned eating). I’ve loved the books “Intuitive Eating”, “Eat Drink & Be Mindful”, & “Overcoming Overeating.” Yoga has been a gift from God. Learning to be compassionate with myself above all.

  5. I just love your honesty. Thank you for sharing all of it. I feel like I am learning right along with you and it is keeping me mindful. Thank you! 🙂

  6. Debbish says:

    Wow, being able to stop yourself is great. I get to that point and panic and give in.

    Deb

  7. Laura says:

    Great job on walking away!!! Try to increase protein to late morning and early afternoon snacks which will decrease the urge to bindge. Also add healthy fats to your food intake.

  8. I can identify with the feeling of thinking you’re going to explode if you don’t stuff your face. Great job sitting, relaxing, and resisting! You’re an inspiration:-).

  9. foodaddictionrecovery says:

    Great job stopping yourself! That is very hard to do! A skill I’m still trying to get a grasp on.

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