Food as Firefighters

So, this is where I’m at:

I’m no longer eating emotionally.
I’m not really binge eating.

As a result, my body is changing a lot.
My internal system of processing feelings is a mess. I feel like an open wound. RAW.

I mostly only eat when I’m physically hungry.

But, at meal times, I am overeating.

It’s like my firefighter parts, the ones that protect me from feeling exiled parts of me, are super steamed.

“What do you mean you want to stop overeating? We gave up binge eating. We gave up eating emotionally. Now you expect us to give up the one last coping mechanism we have? Especially, now when we are so vulnerable?”

The firefighters act like mySelf is ridiculous.

But, Self says otherwise.
Self is all of the C’s:

I need to infuse more Self into my system. Because I am more than my angry firefighters *who are just trying to help#. I am more than my scary exiled feelings. I am also Self.

Which parts of Self get left behind when you are stuck in an old story?

What are YOUR firefighters?

My firefighters seem to be a pain, as they can be unhealthy coping mechanisms. But really, they just want to help. They want to distract us from uncomfortable feelings that arise. It’s time for me to give my firefighters a different job, because while they have a clear objective, I’m now willing to sit with scary thoughts, at least for a time.

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6 Responses to Food as Firefighters

  1. Great post. What a great job at honestly reflecting on where you’re at–that can be the hardest part. I love the C’s quote. I need to remember that.

  2. Leslie Robin Neshama says:

    I read your post last afternoon, and was very scared by it. I had to wait till this morning until the heat of the fire cooled down. I am very much where you seem to be in your journey. I am not binging, but I am overeating at meals. I think I am scared to stop when I am full, so I am over-riding that. I need extra food: not “enough” food, but extra…..Please write more about food as firefighters. Firefighters are called to a scene when something is ablaze. I need to keep thinking about this. Bless you for your courage.

  3. Debbish says:

    My firefighters want to soothe and protect me as well. They want me to not-feel anything painful. They want to numb me.

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