I think I know why I’m freaking out about the scale.
I avoided the scale for years.
Because I was told it was the nondiet way.
But, following the nondiet way,
the way it’s “supposed” to be….
has never worked for me.
I have to find my own path.
In the past, when I was trying to follow the rules… (I don’t care if Geneen Roth calls the holy guidelines “WHAT WOULD LOVE SAY” ~screw it)
I didn’t weight myself. FOR YEARS.
And the weight piled on.
I did it partly to be a good girl and be a good nondieter.
But, I also did it to avoid the fact that I was overeating. I was binge eating. I was numbing out.
I did it to avoid the reality of what my painful actions were doing to my size.
And that is why I cannot give up the scale for right now.
For me in this moment, not weighting means avoidance behaviors.
I’m sure this is all contradicting myself in some way. But, I’m okay with that. It’s just an expression of where I am at today.