Most recently, I’ve been working on sitting with the uncomfortable feelings of loss, the loss of a very dear friend. You may have met her. Her name is Food.
The first time there was a rift in our relationship is when I stopped binge eating. I had to sit with very extreme feelings, in order not to binge. I had to learn to take care of my self in a new way. That way was creating new neural pathways, or habits, so that I didn’t always turn to my food friend. I found other healthy friends such as Yoga, Journaling, & Sleep.
Balance is important in friendships. You don’t want to be dependent upon just one person. You can become too entwined. It’s good to let others in as well, to give you perspective.
When I overeat, I almost always start with some physical hunger in my body. That is a big change. A year or so ago, I would almost never have hunger before I began eating. But, now it seems to be a prerequisite.
What I’m working on now, however, is learning to stop at the point of satisfaction.
I want to take care of my body. But filling it up with food it no longer needs, isn’t working for me from a self-care standpoint, as well as it making me feel physically uncomfortable.
More importantly, it isn’t balanced.
Food and I can be friends, but we just can’t be codependent.
Now I need to learn to sit with the feelings of being sad that it is time to stop eating. Unlike different friends, such alcohol & drugs, I can’t live without food. It will always be part of my life. We may not be best friends, but we can still be acquaintances. We may see each other in the kitchen, at book club, or even at the grocery store. But our relationship with each other needs to evolve to a healthier place.
When I grieve the loss of my friend, I can still have hope that I will see her again.
Food isn’t like the grandma you see once a year. You can see her as many times in a day that you choose to.
You are in charge of what your relationship will be. Some days you may see her more often than others.
Friendship is like that.