I’ve been in isolation for a while now.
It’s totally unfulfilling.
It’s full of numbing out and not wanting to feel or be in my body.
I found myself diving into isolation because
People had failed me.
Because taking relational risks was such a burden.
Because I hated myself.
Now it’s time for me to spread my wings,
To grab onto God and His People.
To start trusting,
That He has a plan
For my life
For my relationships
For my desires
I’m at a place where the need for connection is so much greater than the fear of not being accepted and not being heard.
Inviting God into these moments seems to be my only solution. Everything the world has to offer has left me in that place of isolation.
As I seek God for His role in the next chapter of my life, I need His People surrounding me, leading me, encouraging me, and challenging me.
How do I do that?
As I attempt to tip-toe out of my cave, I see that my period underground has been a beautiful thing. Not every moment, but over all, I look back with pride and admiration of the person I am becoming. I think I am very tired of hiding. But, it’s so scary to peek out under all these layers of physical & emotional weight.
It’s time to continue to emerge from the cocoon, if even for just a moment. So that I might reveal my True Self, the Self that God sees.
I need and desire a “necessary ending” with my relationships. My old habits do not bring me the results I desire. I need to revolutionize and prune these people, things, and habits that just don’t do it.
I’m in a period of trying new things, challenging myself, keeping what works and getting rid of what doesn’t. It’s evolution & growth.
My soul has to change.
My soul responds to kindness.
My soul responds to love and deity.
My soul cries out for Her Creator.
And the creator is about holiness.
Jesus is enough.
But it doesn’t feel like that all of the time.
And that’s when it’s time to move from a shallow faith to one much more deep.
Forgive me for my lack of faith, my tendency to hide, my selfish nature, and loveless actions. Help me to be You to others, instead of consuming my time by filling myself up with things that have no value. Give me what I need to do your will. Help me to Trust You. Help me to see you in the tapestry and poetry of my life.